


my my / how can i resist ya?

by canonlytrans



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mamma Mia! Fusion, Auto-Responder | Lil Hal and Dirk Strider are Twins, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Platonic Relationships, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Male Character, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 12:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17284448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canonlytrans/pseuds/canonlytrans
Summary: Dirk Strider has spent twenty years not knowing who his other father is, but it's the eve of his wedding to his childhood best friend Jake, and his best friends are coming up for the wedding.Problem #1: his dad, Dave, is really busy with his life and Dirk actually hasn't asked and gotten an answer.Problem #2: his dad catalogued the summer he got pregnant... but, apparently, there were three guys. Three potential fathers, and only one who's a genetic donor.Problem #3: Dave doesn't want to see any of them ever again.Surely you can see the issue?





	my my / how can i resist ya?

In the months leading up to the wedding, Dirk Strider decided he was very much tired of waiting for his dad to come out about the sperm donor comprising part of his genetic makeup. Honestly, part of him wanted his other dad to be at the wedding - but mostly, he was just curious about what made up his DNA. Technically it wasn't him who found the journal - diary seemed a bit too feminine, and his dad was decidedly not feminine for the most part, if you didn't include, well, quite a bit.

Technically it was Hal who found it, because Hal, just like Dirk, was a genius on the regular and Dirk (for all his skills) couldn't actually compare. Not that he would tell Hal that in a million years.

Here was the problem, and where it came to a head and their plan began - because while Dave Strider, half of Dirk and Hal’s DNA, was a wonderful father for the most part, he didn't really have good planning or a sense of time.

Because, the summer he got pregnant with the twins, he'd apparently had several lovers.

Number one: John Egbert. Wannabe comedian, heir to CrockerCorp (aka a multibillion and multinational company), the first of three. Hal’s favorite choice - “we have the same ears!”

Number two: Tavros Nitram. Slightly more father material, but not by much. At the time, veterinarian to be. Currently? Actual veterinarian. In Hollywood. For rich people. Tavros Nitram has their nose, or they have his.

And number three: Karkat Vantas, journalist and a complete mystery. From the few blurry pictures they've gotten, they have his eyes.

Hence the obvious problem.

So they came up with a solution: three letters, all addressed from one David Strider, sent to all three of their possible dads.

* * *

“You're getting married in forty eight hours, Dirk,” Hal says, and he's technically smothering Dirk with a pillow, but Dirk bats him away and groans. “I'm calculating a ninty six percent chance of you sleeping in too late if you don't wake up now. Wait, did I say ninty six? I meant one hundred. Get up.”

“It's nine AM, Hal. Go back to sleep.”

“Our potential dads are arriving in about five hours, don't you want to meet our shared genetic donor?”

That gets Dirk sitting up.

“I still say it’s John Egbert,” says Hal, throwing a shirt at Dirk. “Put this on, you dweeb.”

“Dweeb?” Dirk picks up the shirt - one of his least favorites, plain black with a v neck. Not one of his usual choices for clothes. Usually, it’s… well, basically anything but this shirt, he wore it once on a date with his now fiance and that was it. Jake told him he liked him better dressing regularly. This is decidedly not regular. “Really, this one?”

“ _Yup_ ,” he says, and pops the P just like always. “Listen, your bachelor party’s tonight, you don’t want to look like a dumbass.”

“Unlike you?”

“Yes, Dirk. I always look great.”

“Ha ha,” Dirk says, and pulls it on anyways, shrugging himself into it and pushing Hal off the bed. He runs his hands through his hair with a little gel, gets himself fixed up for the day ahead - aside from that and brushing his teeth, he doesn’t have much of a morning routine.

“Jane and Roxy will be here in about an hour,” Hal adds, checking his phone.

“I’m glad. It’s been a while,” Dirk says.

* * *

The two of them head down to the docks.

That’s probably in need of an explanation: you see, by all senses of the word, the Strider family lived (and still does live) on an island… off the coast of Galveston. A hop, skip, and a boat ride away, and you’re on Hephaestus Isle. Which is probably one of the best places to live, in Dirk’s opinion, because his father owns the island. Dave’s movies made quite a lot of money, so eventually he just decided to buy the island he’d grown up taking day trips to and turn it into a place to live - for more than just their family.

The boat pulls in just in time, with Roxy and Jane the first off, followed by their mothers - Dirk and Hal’s aunt Rose, aka Roxy’s mom, and Jade English, also Jake’s mom, albeit not in the genetic sense. Genetically, Jake and Jane weren’t related, and Jade had adopted Jake when he was fifteen. Which made Jane’s longtime crush on Jake rather confusing, though she’d inevitably started dating Roxy and another girl from the mainland, while Dirk had ended up with Jake.

(Hal, on the other hand, was the only one of them who was still single.)

“OMG,” exclaims Roxy, eyes widening as she rushes towards Dirk. She looks like she’s already tipsy, her face flushed and her stagger a tiny bit, well, staggered. She’s probably Dirk’s favorite cousin, though. Also his only cousin. “Dirk! Hal! It’s soooo good to see you!”

And she proceeds to tackle both of them with a hug.

“Ro!” shouts Jane.

Roxy giggles, and Hal actually laughs at that, but Dirk doesn’t, because his hair’s now a bit messed up and his shirt has a few wrinkles and, damn it - it’s the day before his wedding, of course it’s a little annoying. Hal doesn’t say he’s a perfectionist for nothing.

Hal leads them off the docks, and Dirk follows as they find their usual hang out spot - an old tree that once held up a tree house, and now… well, it doesn’t, because the tree house fell a long time ago.

“What did you want to tell us?” Roxy asks, still giggling.

“Well,” says Hal, “we’ve figured out who our dad is! We invited him to Dirk’s wedding!”

Roxy stops giggling. “You found him?”

“Really?” asks Jane.

Dirk and Hal exchange a look, frowning at each other. “Well,” says Hal. “Not exactly. Okay. You know what our dad always said when we asked about our other dad. A summer fling, and dad #2 was gone way before Dad realized he was pregnant with us. And you know, we’d always just… figured we’d never know!”

“Well,” says Dirk. “We found this journal…”

“That Dad kept while pregnant with us!” And Hal pulls it out of his pocket. “July 17th… what a night…”

“I don't know if I want to hear this!” exclaims Jane.

“I do!” says Roxy.

“‘John took me over to the island…’ that’s here. ‘We kissed, we danced, and we…’” Hal pauses. “You know. They fucked. And then Dad says… ‘I think John might actually love me, after all this time. And I think I might unironically love him, too.’”

“So this guy John’s… your dad?” Roxy asks, tilting her head, leaning over to look at the journal.

“The plot thickens!” says Hal, grinning, and Dirk covers his face with his hands. “‘John says he doesn’t love me, and that he’s going to return to Seattle to be with his girlfriend. And I never want to see him again.’”

“That’s horrible,” Jane says, covering her mouth in shock.

“So… ‘August 4th! Karkat took me over to the island.’”

“Karkat?” Roxy says.

“‘I’m still in love with John, but Karkat’s great. He’s hilarious and his rants are great and I love talking to him. We kissed, and…’ Y’know,” says Hal. “And now… ‘August 11th. Tavros showed up all of a sudden, and he’d changed so much since we were teens. I told him I’d take him to the isle. One thing led to another, and…’”

“Oh my god!” exclaim Roxy and Jane in unison. “So, who is your dad? John, Karkat, or Tavros?”

“I don’t know,” says Dirk.

“But which one did you invite?”

Hal and Dirk exchange another look.

“Oh my god. You didn’t,” says Roxy, leaning forward. “Do they know? That…”

“What would you write to a total stranger? 'Please come to my wedding, you might be my dad?’ No way in hell. They think that Dad invited them.”

“Oh my god,” says Roxy.

“I can’t believe this,” says Jane.

“Yeah, we have three potential dads,” says Hal, and Dirk frowns.


End file.
